Do you ever have days when you just can’t anymore? Can’t work, can’t celebrate, can’t support, can’t do, can’t even think, just can’t?
I’ve had a few of those lately. And we all have that experience from time to time. It’s part of being human.
Fortunately, I have people in my life who can see that I’m tapped out even when I can’t. And they know just what to say to remind me I need a reset. A few weeks back, it was my wife Cindy who came to the rescue.
I was working onsite as part of an institutional coaching engagement with emerging leaders, and the group was tackling some important yet challenging topics. My job was to facilitate and hold space for the conversation. It’s something I love to do, but it can leave me a bit depleted.
Which is how I found myself on the phone with Cindy, slightly unfocused and definitely overwhelmed. Cindy immediately spotted the issue – and the answer.
“I want you to go touch some dirt.”
Huh?
(Actually, that’s not what I said because I’ve heard these words from Cindy many times. But you may be wondering what she meant.)
I am an avid gardener, and not just because I enjoy the fruits (and vegetables and flowers) of my labor. I garden because it restores me. On countless occasions, Cindy has seen how sinking my hands into the soil to weed, dig and plant resets my head and my heart after a difficult day.
I was away from home in an urban setting, so there was not much gardening to be done, but I struck out in search of a potted plant.
Staying grounded in times of VUCA
There are times in personal relationships when we all must hold space for others, and it is something many people find themselves doing from time to time in professional settings, too. Especially leaders.
I suggest building listening skills and embracing (carefully) the power of empathy. Never is that more important than in times of volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity (VUCA). Holding space for your team in such times is a necessity, and you may need to be the one to remind them to take care of themselves (as Cindy did for me), even if you are feeling the strain yourself.
Which is why I also recommend that leaders build a self-care habit. Even leaders have days when they just can’t, but the work doesn’t always stop, and in times of VUCA especially, it may be difficult to step away. It’s important to identify your own grounding practice. What can you do to bring yourself back to Earth, back to who you are and why you do what you do?
My moment of grounding
Back to my instance of overwhelm. Cindy sent me on my way, and before long I found a potted plant. I was relieved to find it was a real plant in a real bed of soil. I looked around to see who was watching (I figured I wasn’t hurting anything, but I recognized it would look strange!), and into the soil my hands went.
My stealth approach brought some much-needed levity to the moment. But once I found the plant, I paused for a moment of quiet contemplation, also much needed. I reminded myself that even when the world feels unsteady, there is plenty of good. I reminded myself that when I take time to ensure I am grounded in what holds meaning for me, I am far more able to hold space for others. And I sent gratitude to the world for being able to do this work.
And I sent gratitude into the heavens for the dirt.
